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1.05 You Think You Know Somebody
"Nice car. That must've been a huge cereal box."
1.07 The Girl Next Door
VP Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, may I have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. It's all yours, big guy.
VP Clemmons: Your father has generously offered to donate a pair of boots for our school fundraising auction.
Logan: Not the ones made for walking? God, I love those boots.
Logan: They teach you manners in ESL?
Weevil: If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?
Logan: "If you was gonna"?
Mr Daniels: You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school,
Mr. Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?
Logan: Please say "high school English teacher." Please say "high school English teacher."
Mr Daniels: This is punishment, gentlemen, not party time.
Logan: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.
Logan: Is this some kind of joke.
Mr. Daniels: No, Mr. Echolls, this is detention.
Logan: I meant the car.
1.10 Echolls Family Christmas
(to Weevil) "If you're asking me to the prom again, the answer is still no."
"Annoy tiny blonde one. Annoy like the wind."
"Ho, ho...hoe."
1.13 Lord of the Bling
Aaron: Have you heard from your sister?
Logan: She sent a telegram. Heartbroken. Stop. Can't make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater shoot starts tomorrow. Stop.
Entire crew said prayer for mom. Stop. Love you. Stop.
Aaron: Logan...
Logan: Stop?
1.14 Mars Vs. Mars
"I'm pretty sure penicillin will clear that problem right up."
"What, so the girl with the pig arm can't bowl?" -Thanks, Sara
1.15 Russkie Business
(voicemail) This is Logan with today's inspirational greeting. "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of
their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt. Leave a message.
Logan: But if you're coming home, who will play Dead Hooker Number Two on CSI this week?
1.18 Weapons of Class Destruction
"Heads up, chests out, big smiles. Ready? okay!"
Dream on Jumpstreet, I'm not leaving you alone with her.
1.19 Hot Dogs
Trina: Pop Tart?
Logan: Hmmm, a Tart from a tart.
Trina: He of the sickle wit. Can I ask you something?
Logan: Hmm, would you look at that? There was a string attached to my Pop Tart.
Trina: I can't get him off my back.
Logan: Did you try standing up?
1.21 A Trip to the Dentist
Dick: Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called “My Skank”.
Logan: Goodbye, Dick.
Dick: What?
Logan: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica,
you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno. That’s kind of a general invitation.
If you don’t like my girlfriend then just start heading toward the rectangle with the knob.
1.22 Leave it to Beaver
Lamb: I asked you a question.
Logan: And I ignored it and moved on. Keep up.
(Voicemail) You've reached Logan, and here's today's inspirational message. "Adversity is the diamond dust
with which heaven polishes it's jewels."
2.01 Normal is the Watchword
Logan: He should feel lucky. I mean, you could be out here with some pretty-boy jerk just looking to get laid.
Veronica: Wait. What are you saying? You're not pretty?
Logan: Ah, what I'm trying to say is I'm in love with you.
"Hey, ah, can Dick and Beaver come out and play?"
2.02 Driver Ed
"FYI, if the cuddling is the best part, he didn't do it right."
2.03 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang
(to Duncan) "Didn't plug her right the first time, huh?"
Duncan: Careful, Logan. You're exposing your soft underbelly.
Logan: My underbelly is rock-hard. It can go all night.
(Voicemail) "To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best." William M. Thackeray.
2.04 Green-Eyed Monster
"My day is complete. Veronica Mars has accused me of evil."
2.05 Blast From the Past
Duncan: Sure you wanna do this?
Logan: Does a bear wear a funny hat?
2.06 Rat Saw God
Sacks: Sheriff would like to have a word with you.
Logan: And I'd like to be the cream filling of an Olsen twin sandwich, but...
"Oh, wow, I'm stunned. You like me! You really like me! Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all
such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent...and my publicist, for always shooting me from the left side.
2.07 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
Logan: Seriously, though, I was reading "Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide," and we should come up with, like, some kind
of code word for when you guys are feeling frisky and, uh, don't want to be disturbed.
Veronica: Like "scram"?
Logan: I was thinking "awkward." But scram's good. Or "amscray." ...(Kendall arrives and goes into his bedroom)... My code
word will be...endurance.
"You've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet!"
(Answering Machine) It's Logan. "Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late." Ben Frankin.
Kendall: That was perfect...Baby. Oh, it feels so good to be with you, I just want to be with you all the time.
Logan: Uh, bit of advice: when looking for a sugar daddy, at least pick the richest guy in the hotel suite...I'm sorry.
Did that hurt your feeling?
Kendall: I can't believe you just said that to me. Doesn't this mean anything to you?
Logan: It does. It means I'm getting laid. And I owe your village a goat.
Kendall: You know, you can joke all you want. I know we have a connection, Logan. You know, it may have just started off
as sex, but over these past few months it's grown into something more.
Logan: Wow. So, your feelings have grown as your available balance has shrunk. It's like science! One of the problems of
sleeping with your stepson's friend: information tends to leak.
Kendall: I don't know if you've noticed, but you have a pretty good situation for yourself here.
Logan: Yeah.
KENDALL: You wanna go back to playing grab-ass with cheerleaders that have just mastered missionary? See ya. You want things
to keep going the way they've been going, I'm gonna need a few things.
Logan: I'm sorry, "see ya" was option A?...Bessie, when the milk stops being free, I stop drinking it.
Kendall: Then what am I supposed to do?
Logan: Frankly, my dear...you know the rest.
2.08 Ahoy, Mateys!
Veronica: Oh, you're being a jackass. Must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you're
kissing my ass for a favor.
Logan: Well you find out why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix and I will make sure
that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar.
"Any news on Nip/Shmuck?"
"I've had a very bad year."
"Help me, Mars-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."
2.09 My Mother, the Fiend
"Oh yes, where are my manners? Kendall Casablancas, Trina Echolls. Rode hard, meet put away wet."
Weevil: We have something in common now: we both need to find out who killed Felix.
Logan: So what, we team up? Get matching capes, I ride shotgun in a sidecar?
2.10 One Angry Veronica
"I adore what your designer's done with the men's room. That Hefty bag over the busted urinal adds a delicious wabi-sabi feel."
2.11 Donut Run
"Hi ho."
"There she goes, the angel of mercy. Time to fake the donut."
"Uh oh. Did you catch him waxing his board?"
Kendall: Oh, quit standing there so smug. Tomorrow you're just gonna call me at two in the morning saying you want some
company. For your information, that really doesn't satisfy me, Logan.
Logan: Really? You always come.
"You're not real complicated, are you, Dick?"
2.13 Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough
Veronica: Get your ice cold frozen...sugar water.
Logan: You had me at "ice cold."
Veronica: What's your poison?
Logan: Ah, emotionally unavailable women.
"Boy, people really love Pep Squad pie."
Dick: Dude. Am I drunk?
Logan: No, dude, you're just special.
2.14 Versatile Toppings
Dr. Griffith: What are you doing with my daughter?
Logan: You want the complete play-by-play? That's kind of twisted.
Hannah: What are you doing?
Logan: That depends, what are you gonna let me do?
2.15 The Quick and the Wed
Cliff: So, they've set a trial date sixty days from today.
Logan: Whatever will I wear?
Kendall: And that is why the Phoenix Land Trust is where you should put your money.
Logan: I'm confused. You're talking and your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you
really came over here to try and sell me real estate.
2.16 Rapes of Graff
Logan: We? What happened to Madison?
Dick: Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature.
Logan: Where, at Lego Land?
2.17 Plan B
Veronica: I need you to do something for me.
Logan: Veronica. Ask not what Logan can do for you, but what you do for Logan.
Veronica: That's gonna get old real soon.
Logan: Let me know when that time comes. Until then, you know me: I'll just be speaking softly and carrying a big stick.
"You do know I've been cleared of all charges, right? The whole dead Felix business has lost its intrigue for me,
and when something stops being important to me, my memory gets a little fuzzy. Wait...who are you?"
"Follow the bouncing ball: Not. My. Prob-lem."
"Don't worry, gang, if she's a two at ten, she'll be a ten at two."
Gia: So my dad likes having you at work. He says you've got potential. I think that was the word.
Logan: Well "potential" was the word, but "underachiever" is the sentiment.
Gia: Ha ha. The demolition ceremony's gonna be fun. Are you nervous? What if you push the plunger and nothing happens?
Logan: You mean like if there were total silence? Let's try to imagine it.
Gia: For a friendship to work, you have to be completely honest, which is something I have absolutely no problem with.
But you...you run from the truth.
Logan: Only when it's chasin' me.
Gia: Do you know what I think? I think you use sarcasm and anger as a way to keep people from getting too close to you.
Logan: You know, I do. But it doesn't always work.
"When I dreamed of this moment, "I've Had the Time of My Life" was always playing. Well, what can you do?"
2.18 I Am God
Veronica: Yep, I have no idea what compelled me to do that.
Logan: Is it because you're five?
Veronica: I'm a little punchy; I haven't been sleeping.
Logan: Thoughts of me? Hey, I get it. Um, sometimes I'm up all night just thinking about myself.
Logan: You don't like me much, do you?
Wallace: The last time we actually talked, you were bashing Veronica's headlights with a crowbar.
Logan: Hm. Foreplay.
"Wallace, have you met my fluffer?"
2.19 Nevermind the Buttocks
Logan: As a rule I like to start every school day with a hot blonde waiting for me in the parking lot.
Veronica: Me too!
Logan: I'm not blonde.
Veronica: Or hot.
Logan: Mm.
"And last summer, I made this townie girl moan without even using my hands. Is any of this relevant? Should I make a list? "
2.20 Look Who's Stalking
Logan: Oh, this is gonna be good.
Veronica: What?
Logan: Ah, you have that "I’d rather be making out with a broken bottle" look. Which if history serves, means you’re about
to say something awkward.
Veronica: This? This is my "I’d rather be spelunking" look. It’s like you don’t know me at all.
Logan: Well, there was this one girl. She was uh, blonde, petite. Smelled of marshmallows and promises.
Veronica: Promises?
Logan: Yep.
Veronica: That’s the name of my perfume!
Logan: You know, I'm surprised, Veronica. And as a keen observer of the human condition, I thought you saw through
people better than that. Bimbos? That's not me anymore.
Veronica: So what are you like now?
Logan: You know. Tortured. Ever since I had my heart broke.
Veronica: Hannah really did do a number on you, huh?
Logan: Come on, you know I'm not talking about Hannah. I thought our story was epic, you know? You and me.
Veronica: Epic how?
Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic. But summer's almost here. And we won't see each other
at all. Then you'll leave town then...it's over.
Veronica: Logan...
Logan: I'm sorry. About last summer. You know, if I could do it over...
Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives, bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.
2.22 Not Pictured
"You're not a killer, Veronica. Give me the gun."
Logan: I'm not gonna see you for a whole week. That's like a month.
Veronica: Yeah, but then I'll be back and everything will be fine.
Logan: Mm, you say that but I don't know.
Veronica: I know. I can feel it.
Logan: And you're never wrong.
"I didn't know you could come out during daylight hours."
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